We just spent 3 weeks on1 St. Simons Island, the place I grew up. On the way back to Austin, we spent the night in New Orleans. And naturally, being tourists, we wanted to get some beignets from Cafe Du Monde before we left, because that’s what you do. So I rode my bike through the French Quarter at 6 AM, and I have to tell you: 6 AM in New Orleans is an all-time vibe.
A bleary-eyed woman in a leotard sort of thing, traipsing through the city’s grimy elegance in the early golden hour. A man in an alley calling after me: “Hey, what’s up?” A shopkeeper shooing vagabonds away, having a shouting match for what sounded like the thousandth time. A college-aged kid on a French Colonial balcony, wearing sunglasses and a big black wide-brimmed hat — like a priest would wear in a Spaghetti Western — lazily strumming a guitar, singing.
Unfortunately, Cafe Du Monde didn’t open till 8 — thanks, COVID — and we had to go. But I did get a beautiful photo on that long-ass bridge on the way our of town:
PROTIP: When you’re away for a long time, buy yourself a bunch of stuff online so when you get home you have presents to open.
I honestly don’t get how people are ever surprised by J.K. Rowling’s shitty attitudes about everything. Have you read those books? Those bitter, meandering, how-dare-anyone-criticize-me-or-my-work doorstops? Because, first of all — and people don’t say this shit because she’s not American and they’re afraid that what they’re interpreting is their own racist attitudes projected onto a foreigner’s work — the house elf dialogue is on some racist Gone With the Wind shit. And the J.K. in her name might as well be a reference to how close she gets to making progressive statements without ever actually making one. Like “oh now that I’ve made a bajillion dollars off this shit I should tell you that Hermione might have been a black person, but I did not let that stand in the way of this money” or how the two dudes in the Cursed Child are obviously in love with each other but having them say it out loud or act on it would fuck up the bag. JK! And it’s not like she just hopped on board some anti-trans bullshit. Her attitudes have always been terrible.
This should maybe be a “Watch Out Now” thing, but, whatever, this is what I’m doing today. What is going on with 80s movies? Over the weekend, we watched both The Money Pit1 and Tootsie2 And both of them are, from a structural perspective, insane. Like the first 2/3 of The Money Pit is incredible. That bathtub? Tom Hanks in the rug, unable to move? That they keep playing the same joke over and over — that if you touch anything it falls completely apart — and it keeps working? Un buh lieveable. But the whole third act is a bummer.3 Also: Shelley Long occupied such a weird space then. Like she only played erudite women out of their refined element. I don’t think there’s anybody doing that now.4
Tootsie, though. There’s too much talent in that movie. There’s too much of everything. Because what’s it about? A group of struggling theater dips trying to make it big on Broadway? The behind the scenes drama on the set of a soap opera? A romantic comedy with Terri Garr? A romantic comedy with Jessica Lange? With Charles Durning? What is this relationship between Dustin Hoffman’s Michael and Sydney Pollack’s George? I don’t know, with all this stuff going on, the centerpiece of the film, the cross-dressing storyline, feels like a C plot.5
Hey, you made it this far.6 Let’s talk about politics. It’s what you’re thinking about, anyway.
Do you read Next Draft? You really should. In today’s edition, in a section about the president retweeting an unfounded conspiracy theory about the brutal police assault of a 75 year-old man who was protesting police brutality,7 Dave Pell says:
I have a feeling Trump is building up OAN because he plans to run it as TrumpTV if he loses the election. And after what he’s done to the presidency, that sounds like a promotion.
(It was actually a parenthetical.)
I’ve been saying this shit all along. I think his 2016 campaign was about building and buying a news network, because he never intended to / thought he would win.8
Remind me to tell you about the time my house flooded in the middle of a global pandemic and nationwide protests.
What does one do when displaced for about a month, with a small child as well as an elderly dog? When you can’t really go anywhere or do anything or come into contact with others? You watch a lot of television.
This is what I watched this weekend. Be safe out there. And don’t pressure wash your house.
Space Force, season 1, episodes 1-3
Space Force is a little too pro the concept of a Space Force for me. and it’s abundantly clear that Mike Schur — who went on to do Parks and Rec, Brooklyn 99, and The Good Place — was the part of the Office equation that was capable of feeling human empathy. Because Greg Daniels made this atrocity. Steve Carell, I fear, has thrown in his lot with the wrong showrunner.
And, like, not to be all extra woke about it but come on. It is annoying that the AOC character gets pwned by the inept chief of staff of a completely unnecessary wing of the armed forces. It’s annoying that women dressed up as Handmaid’s Tale characters get their protest dates wrong.1 But it’s gross when we see a chimpanzee hurtling toward the sun played for laffs.2 I don’t want to serious up a joke all to shit, but, man. Netflix gave y’all all that money and the best you could do was animal cruelty?
The only part of Space Force I like is the way John Malkovich speaks every line like the material is beneath him, because it is.
Bored to Death, season 1, episode 3, “The Case of the Missing Screenplay”
I read this article a while ago that said that it was probably more beneficial, psychologically, to reread and rewatch things you already know you love. So I reread Dune. And now I’m slowly rewatching Bored to Death. I just really love Ted Danson as George in this. It seems like the genesis of his Michael character from The Good Place.
RuPaul’s Drag Race, season 12, “Grand Finale”
I can’t say I’m not disappointed in the results of the finale. Spoilers, y’all.
It just seemed that throughout the season, Gigi played the best game.3 And on the finale itself, Crystal did the most creative, craziest shit. See. Uh. Bove. But neither of them won. Throughout the season, and especially the finale, Jaida seemed like a bit of an also-ran. So it’s crazy that she won the thing. To me. I don’t know.4
Spider-Man: Far From Home
When I went to see Neal Stephenson speak a while ago, whenever his last thing came out, he suggested that we were already in the biggest crisis of our time. And that that crisis was social media. And people in the crowd laughed. But Neal was like y’all. If we can’t agree on what’s true, on what happened, that’s the ballgame.
It’s crazy that a movie as cute as this one deals with such scary, weighty topics. And deals with them deftly! But doesn’t really offer any solutions, unfortunately.
It’s pretty good, though. Trippy in parts. Funny in moments. Cha boi Casey loves the part at the end where Zendaya genuinely looks like she’s had the shit scared out of her because she’s gone web swinging for the first time. And shout out to the MCU for doing a better Alex Jones send up than Twin Peaks. But anyway yeah throughout the whole thing is this undercurrent of pure terror, because no one knows who or what to trust anymore.5
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, various episodes
Same deal as Bored to Death. Except better. I’ve been going to sleep every night watching episodes of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt. Because it’s so good, so funny, and so comforting, and the days and nights are so long and crazy. We’re on season 2 right now, and even though I’ve watched this thing already, it’s hard to believe how much talent is on this show. And how, like, every scene is jam packed with gags 6, but it never feels forced, or Family Guy-style cutaway distracting and dumb.
GQ got this shit right, though: Dip Dip Dip Tatsu-ya is the best. Probably the most fun I’ve ever had in a restaurant in Austin. I can’t wait to go back. I mean. I can. I have to. I have no choice.
Nothing gives an old head like me hope like the sight of two dudes in their 40s absolutely shutting shit down.
So, yeah. This post is culled from a few weeks of quarantine listening.
Khruangbin is a band that decided to just make “Genius of Love” over and over and I love it.
If this shit had come out when I was like 11, I would have been crazy into it. But it didn’t. The jazz rap that did come out back then was Digable Planets, though, so I did all right.
Speaking of. Ishmael Butler is like the OG king of washed jazz dads everywhere.
So I struggled for like 3 weeks to write a long ass post that connected R.A.P. Ferreira to Digable Planets, how Jay-Z no longer has to chase success so he can just drop super dense rap nerd bars, and how impossible it was going to be for Jay Electronica to live up to the hype, and how this all forms a loose biography of my own taste in music. But I couldn’t make it go. Shout out to Jay Elec for recognizing the best move, though: making your debut album a Jay-Z EP.
22 years in, Gorillaz release their best song yet. The old guys are doin’ it in 2020, y’all.
Did you ever see that video where Prince invites Kim Kardashian onstage, then kicks her off because she doesn’t want to dance? That’s what New Orleans is like.1
I waited till “The Steps” by HAIM came out to publish this post, because they might be the best band in America, and P.T. Anderson directs their videos. Like can you imagine if music videos existed in a real way and Stanley Kubrick directed all of Bowie’s videos? But, alas. “The Steps” ain’t it.1 So let’s get into some jams.
It’s hard out here for a Drake apologist. You always know you’re on thin ice. Like what was Pusha saving for a third diss track?2 But if your friend asked you on Wednesday to DJ their wedding on Friday, you’d put at least 7 Drake songs on your playlist. You’re never going to make it through the reception without “Nice For What.” And, honestly, why would you want to?
Here Aminé, whose name is not “Anime,” continues the tour Drake started through late-90s / early-aughts rap nostalgia. But instead of visiting iconic hip hop shooting locations, he instead runs us around iconic Portland locations.3 Aminé is from Portland, you see. And since he’s the only rapper ever to come out of Portland, he’s seizing the opportunity to make himself his city’s Drake, and he just might pull it off. If he ever does that thing where he develops his own weird sound reminiscent of his surroundings, he could really get there.4 For now, shout to Aminé for recognizing a vacuum in the market he could exploit.
This was on one of the playlists people make at work. And, I don’t know. I am a straight up sucker for an obvious sample paired with hip-hop beats. It’s why I love DJ Smokey. It’s why I love The Heatmakerz. And it’s why I love this shit.
Some of you may know that, in addition to this blog, I co-host a comedy call-in podcast called Tele-Friends. It’s probably the creative endeavor I’m proudest of. And now there’s a new episode of it!
It’s a good one. We had been on a little bit of an unintentional hiatus. And, at the risk of sounding like a real prick, it felt so good to do again. Like, why did we ever not? I don’t know what the audience thinks, necessarily, but I know that when we do one of these it feels as good or better than most of the podcasts that people have heard of.1
I feel like I can say that because it’s mostly because of Casey. I primarily serve as the laugh track on the show.
Anyway: get in there! (304) 518-JAMS! Leave a message.
